Soooo the moment you have been waiting for has finally arrived…He’s popped the question and you said YES!!!!
Congratulations on your engagement. Your next thoughts probably go immediately to wedding plans. But with all that said and done….How do you select your wedding party?
Here are some tips I wish someone gave me when I was choosing my A-team. - Magniola Duré (Former Smith & Associates Events Bride)
1. Think long and hard before you pop the question.
The truth is once you’ve asked someone to be in your wedding, there is no turning back. You cannot rescind your offer. So while you are all excited about getting married and you’re tempted to ask all your close friends to be in your wedding take some time to think about it. Give yourself the time to really consider your vision for an ideal wedding party. Ask yourself if you and that friend will even be friends a few years down the line. Don’t let guilt cause you to make a decision that you may eventually regret months down the line when the stress has kicked in and that individual has not stepped up to the plate. If you are unsure about asking a particular person to be in your wedding take the time to consider how they would fit in with the rest of your wedding party. Will his or her personality mesh with everyone else or are you setting yourself up for disaster? Truth is, this is the biggest day of your life and the team you choose to stand with you on that day makes a world of difference. CHOOSE WISELY!
2. Set realistic expectations for your wedding party
While your friends are ecstatic for you and are happy to support you on your day, the truth is they have their own lives to live as well. Be upfront from the very beginning about what you expect from your team. Do you expect them to help you with invitations, show up for every dress fitting, pre-wedding festivities or will they only be expected to show up on the day of the wedding? Be honest and clear from start to ensure that everyone is on the same page and they know what they are saying yes to. If you have a lot of expectations for your bridal party, think twice about asking an individual that is far away or someone that has many outside commitments. The worst thing you can do is set yourself up for disappointment or risk severing a good relationship. The reality is some people can only commit to being a guest…and that’s totally ok.
3. Carefully consider the size of your wedding party
While it may be tempting to have a bridal party of 20 people, consider the fact that the bigger your wedding party is the more coordination it will require. Can you imagine how hard it will be to try and coordinate 20 people to show up on the same day and time for a dress fitting? Also, take into consideration your budget restrictions. It is customary for the bride and groom to gift the members of their wedding party a thank you token for all their help. Can you afford to appropriately give everyone a gift without the fear of going over budget? Will it be more cost effective for you to get a limo for 10 rather than the extra cost of getting a stretch limo that fits such a large party? At the end of the day budget matters and the size of your wedding party can affect it.
4. Choose your maid of honor wisely
It may be tempting to ask Suzie to stand by your side as your maid of honor. I mean we known each other our whole lives. But before you do, consider the role of a maid of honor and what that entails. The best honor attendant is someone that you can truly rely on. They are there to provide emotional support when needed; because truth is you will probably have a couple of meltdowns before you eventually walk down that aisle. If your best friend is not necessarily the most reliable person, it’s perfectly ok to choose someone else. If they are truly your friend they will understand and will be happy for you regardless of who you choose.
5. DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT choose someone just because they chose you .
Your wedding party is not the medium that you should use to test the effectiveness of a barter system. You should not feel inclined to ask someone to be in your wedding party simply because they asked you to be in their wedding. Don’t ask the childhood friend that you have not heard from in 6 years simply because you were there on their day. Lastly, if that individual is upset that they have not been asked to be in your wedding party, be completely honest. Help them to understand that while this was a hard decision you personally feel that you should have the people that you are closest to in this season of your life to by your side. Let them know that there were many other special people that you had to leave out for the very same reasons.
6. Consider other vital roles that you can incorporate into your wedding
Do you have a musically-inclined friend that would sound beautifully singing at your ceremony…ASK THEM. When it comes to your wedding you have free reign to create the day you envisioned. You may need ushers to guide guests to their seats or someone to read the scriptures you have selected. The possibilities are endless. There is more to a wedding party than just bridesmaids and groomsmen.